‘See ya later, suckas!’: Iowa family writes bizarre obituary for 5-year-old cancer victim

(The Des Moines Register) Read the full obituary here:

Garrett Michael Matthias AKA “The Great Garrett Underpants”, of Van Meter, Iowa –

My name is: Garrett Michael Boofias

My birthday is: I am 5 years old

My address is: I am a Bulldog!

My favorite color is: Blue…and red and black and green

My favorite superhero is: Batman…and Thor, Iron Man, the Hulk and Cyborg

When I grow up: I’m going to be a professional boxer

My favorite people are: 

  • Mommy, Daddy, my sister ‘Delcina’ (Delphina), 
  • The grandparents with the new house (Fredric and Cheryl Krueger), 
  • The grandparents with the camper (Daniel and Nita Matthias), 
  • My cousins Grady, ‘that guy I took down that one time’ (Luke) and London Marie, 
  • My auntie Janette and stinky Uncle Andy (Andrew and Janette Krueger),
  • Those two guys, you know, my uncles (Kristopfer Krueger and James Taylor)
  • Batman!!

The things I love the most: Playing with my sister, my blue bunny, thrash metal, Legos, my daycare friends, Batman and when they put me to sleep before they access my port.

Things I hate: Pants, dirty stupid cancer, when they access my port, needles and the monkey nose that smells like cherry farts. I do like the mint monkey nose at Mayo Radiation, and that one guy that helped me build Legos (Randy).

When I die: I am going to be a gorilla and throw poo at Daddy!

Burned or buried: I want to be burned (like when Thor’s mommy died) and made into a tree so I can live in it when I’m a gorilla.

Big or small funeral: Funerals are sad. I want 5 bouncy houses (because I’m 5), Batman and snow cones